Warren Worthington III

I haven't slept yet and my watch is no longer synced to my phone somehow. I keep pushing buttons but then an ambulance came. How'd I do that?

Someone help me work my watch and ignore the nudes on my phone.

I really miss Miles. Maybe I should courier my stuff to him.

Or I could audition for a new Miles.


.....ugh that seems like work. I need my watchhhhhhhh. Help me, masses of the mansion.

Me.

Warren.

Because it was my birthday on the 10th and no one remembered (not even me, but that's not the point). I also recognize that the 10th is a stupid day to have a birthday.

For example. It is National Home Warranty Day (why can't people just buy new houses if their old one is boring?), National Cream Cheese Brownie Day (I did do this, I admit and it was delicious although that's not what we're talking about) and National Umbrella Day... and let me tell you about umbrellas.

Did you know that it is bad luck to open an umbrella inside ONLY BECAUSE it dries out the umbrella and keeps it last longer? Nah, Big Umbrella wants you to close your umbrella and let it rust so you need to buy a new one.

I can go on about umbrellas all day. But instead -- let's talk about me. Warren. I should have been born on Valentine's Day and honestly, I'm a bit annoyed I can't buy a better birthday.

Anyways. Love me as I deserve.

Alas, I don't have the photos yet so please imagine me wearing a hardhat and pointing at buildings while looking pensive; however, Warren Cares is helping rebuild DX and will hire anyone who wants a job with the reconstruction efforts. Why do it for free when I could be paying you and then later deducting it as a tax credit?

Let me know if you want to help out. I can't promise a photoshoot, but I can promise really cool overalls. Oh and lunch. And transportation. And benefits.

But definitely the overalls.

 




For legal purposes, please stay safe and don't sue me. 

So the opposite of most people in my employ.

Hope keeps telling me she isn't responsible for everything I ask her to do which I think is ridiculous but since I'm a good employer, I will have to listen to her so she doesn't quit.

What does this mean? It means that I'm turning into a philanthropist and need to start my own charitable donations in a way that won't be argued against or used as a political ploy. Fuck politics, I'm tired of it all. I want people who will do what I ask, who will argue against me when need be but ultimately, who actually care. I find sincerity and integrity go a long way, and it's easier for me to listen to 'You're wrong, Warren' when the person actually knows what they're talking about and/or have the right passion behind it.

So.

Apply here. I'll have to do some interviews I suppose, and Hope will continue to help build up my charity but I like the thought of "Warren Cares" as a name. It conveys everything I want and tells absolutely nothing at the same time.

And if you're afraid you don't have any qualifications, I used to employ Miles and Maya a loooong time ago when they were yae high and barely had experience. And now look at them. *sniff sniff*

(1) Hey non-side chick, a question.

(2) Who is Haller and why is he so sexually appealing?

(3) Specifically his penis. Why is it telepath crack?

Heading to rehab for the rich and beautiful.

Will have minimal contact with the outside world.

See you when I'm sober and sexy.

Peace.

Thank you to my lovely team who remembered my birthday at the prompting of my amazing girlfriend.

The rest of you suck for not remembering the greatest day of the year.

Just so you know, I'm still accepting gifts and well wishes.

Easy. Breezy. Warren.




#lovinglife #howdidothis
#shhitsasecret #imsotalented